Kasplant's Korner

[Beefy Kasplant]

Hello everybody and welcome to Kasplant's Korner! 

I'm here to share my stupid stories and answer all your questions about life, food and sustainable development. Ever wanted to know what best to steal when leaving a one-night stands house? How to secretly pee on your girlfriend or the least painful way to kill yourself? Ask away!

 

Let me start this thread off by giving all you handsome bachelors a great tip:

Women like assholes. So make sure you never change your underwear. The musk emanating from your nether regions will remind your oneitis of her crush! She will fall harder for you than Amanda  Bynes' career after Nickelodeon!

[Kibbelz]

I'm curious what best to steal from a one night stand LOL. I woke up with a new kettle in my uni room once

[Beefy Kasplant]

A kettle is very useful indeed! Good choice! However, they can trace the crime back to you. How are you going to explain their missing kettle in your room? Best choice is consumables:

1. Instant gratification

2. No evidence

Myself, I stole a full loaf of bread once, a pack of cigarettes, weed (420blazeit) and a bloc of cheese. All separate instances, mind you. You don't want people to think you're some sort of criminal.

 

From best to worst:

1. Weed - I told her I stole her weed and that she could come over that night to smoke it with me. I will keep it PG but let's just say I'm not a vigin anymore

2. Cigarettes - I'm a dirty smoker and there is nothing better than a nice cig after a night of drinking and smoking to really hammer home that hangover.

3. Cheese - Always nice to have a tasty and healthy snack during your walk of shame.

4. Loaf of bread - Let's just say that after a night of drinking and having all fluids drained from your body, dry bread becomes a choking hazard. And believe me you don't want to fight for your life while nursing a hangover.

Anyways, share your stories, ask me whatever you want, I'll try to answer based on personal experience but I might just make up some bullshit. Who knows?

[Vus]

10 hours ago, Kasplant said:

 

4. Loaf of bread - Let's just say that after a night of drinking and having all fluids drained from your body, dry bread becomes a choking hazard. And believe me you don't want to fight for your life while nursing a hangover.

 

Yea I thought so. Def wouldn't grab the bread. The rest however...

[Giligis]

Lol you wouldn't grab bread, but grab cheese? What the heck XD

[Beefy Kasplant]

You hatin' on cheese? Cheese, is an excellent source of protein for dem mad gainz bro! Cheese is so old, it predates recorded history man! And you hatin' on cheese? DURING CHEESE WEEK?! Cheezus Christ!

I'll have you know, one of my favourite stories is how I got with a girl by making her believe I had a mini Shetlander farm in Ukraine where I milked them to make mini babybel cheeses.

Not only did she believe I owned a farm full of mini horses, she believed I milked them to make mini cheeses AND she asked me to make more of the purple ones, because she liked them more! Thinking about her, I really hope she found some guy because you know what they say: Beauty fades, dumb is forever.

 

[Giligis]

Lmao I'm not hating on cheese dawg!!! If it were up to me and I can only take one item m, I'm taking the dang broads bread!!